paulinaparasite

best friend.

2007-06-22T08:04:45Z

i'm seeing jesus today. i'm excited.
nothing else matters.

paulinaparasite @ 2007-06-21T02:50:00

2007-06-21T08:10:16Z

i've been real bad about being consistent with this lately.

i talked to justin after we hung out with jon. and he told me that they talked about me as they were walking home. and that jon thinks i'm fuckable. and that i'm gorgeous and sexy. and i found that so flattering. i'm lame. (: and i know justin finds me attractive because we're too comfortable with each other and we know each other's every thought. and i know he feels awkward thinking things like that about me. haha. but it's flattering, i don't know. I'M SO HAPPY.S FKJSFSD. SO. justin has this plan to win alicia's heart over again. and he's doing this whole cute thing like little presents and taking her out and favorite candies. i don't know. cute things. and then he's going to get her a promise ring because she always wanted a ring from him. and he's going t ask her out again, after a couple of months, of course. eeee.

tuesday - i woke up later than expected. 11:40ish. and i was supposed to go to blockbuster at noon to meet up with itzel because he wanted to give me this movie so bad. so i went and he gave it to me. how sweet is he to even rent it for me because he felt it was so amazing that i had to see it. so we stood around and talked for half an hour. i think i already talked about this? anyway, jess came over. and we made pancakes and half ate them. then we went walking around. and we decided to go to jewel for deluxe. and we saw anthony, so we went to say hi. he must have felt horribly awkward. then we went for our deluxe, laughing because we found it hilarious how jewel workers know exactly what aisle something is in. "where's the deluxe macaroni and cheese...by kraft?" "oh, aisle five". then we went and paid. and then went to the chinese place and got vegetable fried rice. we went home and ate that while talking. and giggling because we were being couple on friday night with takeout and a movie, on tuesday afternoon. then we watched the illusionist. SO GOOD. we laughed (even though it wasn't supposed to be funny), we cried. well, i cried. we held hands and sounded like we were orgasming. we yelled at the tv. we're cute. then we sat around a little longer, cleaned a bit, and she left.

wednesday - i wanted a lazy day so i sat around and playing pokemon pearl with my little brother. it was pretty sweet. i'm half done with the game, now. i started playing today. ha. atleast one of my summer goals will be completed. i really need to pierce something to just get that out of the way. i texted chris today. i hate his stupid ass. no, i don't. i like him and i feel dumb. great.

tomorrow, well today since it's 3:09, is my mom's birthday.
we're going to clean the whooole house.
and then go for flowers and a nice card.
and surprise her when she gets home because she's working on her birthday.

crushed.

2007-06-19T19:25:03Z

justin and i went to bed around 3:30 last night.
and then we both woke up around 11 and went online to talk.
and i told him i was going to go take a shower. and he goes to do the same.
then he calls me at 1, and he doesn't usually call unless it's "hey, i want to get off the computer. call me" over aim.
and he's, like, "jon and i are walking around. want to hang out?"

so. i walk to hometown pantry to meet up with them. and jessica texts me and says, "i just saw you walking our of hometown". butyeah. jon and justin and i walked back to my house and we just chilled in my basement. we turned up some job for a cowboy and jon and justin screamed along as jon dances. and then i got him to settle down long enough for me to pierce his ears. and he held mine and justin's hands because he was in pain. and he has the world's tiniest ears. and then we hung out and watched edward scissorhands. and justin fell asleep under my legs. after the movie, we got bored. and then justin mentioned, "i'm kinda hungry". so we went to mcdonald's and i bought them food. and jon is so skinny and tiny, but he eats a lot. two double cheeseburgers, some of justin's fries, and a sundae. justin had one cheeseburger and fries. i had a fruit and walnut salad. and if you're ever seen one of those, it's a couple of grapes and a fourth of an apple. haha. so, we ate. then we went to kmart. and jon's cheap so he just put on the deorant instead of buying it. then we wandered the toys. and then justin had to pee, AGAIN, so they went by the bathrooms. but jon tried running from me, but then he didn't realize i was standing right there when he came back so i laughed at his ass and he ran away again. and justin came out and was afraid jon would scare him, so he used me as a shield. then we went by the pop and i turn around, five minutes later, and see jon running at us with his flip flops in his hands saying, "you hear no flipping or flopping". and the determined look on his face made me laugh forever. then justin hit him in the balls. we went to sally's where i was going to buy a ring for my nose because omar has mine. but i dind't have enough money. so the woman gave me her 5% employee discount. she's a sweetie. (: then we went to jewel where we saw ryan, and justin twisted his nipples. then i saw melissa so i had to say hi, but no hug because she was working. then we measured justin's blood pressure and tried to measure his phones because we got scared the thing would break his phone. then we went back to my house and it was dark and cool in the basement. so jon and i layed on the same couch but on opposite sides. and justin was on the arm of the couch leaning, like, over/against me because i was kinda propped up, except not really. and we basically fell asleep. and then my brother came down and was a creep, so we made him go upstairs because he was embarrassing me. theeen jon gave me a "footjob" and it was hilarious. and then they had to leave so i went to give justin a hug and instead he picked me up and then kinda bobbed up and down and jon kidna hugged my back as justin was holding me and then they both humped and i felt violated. hahaha. and then justin let go and jon gave me a real hug. and it was nice. i had a good day.

then justin came home and his girlfriend broke up with him, officially. and listening to him was so sad. right now, i hate her, but i love her for making him happy for so long. but she crushed him and he doesn't deserve that. he's a good person. he's an amazing person. and i hate that all i can do is just be here to listen to him. i can't even tell him, "it'll be okay". or anything comforting like that because he freaks out and tells me that he doesn't want to hear that. and then he makes me listen to depressed ass "i wish you could take my radio to bathe with you. plugged in and ready to fall". i know he'll be okay, though. i know he will.

jess is coming over and we're going to be lazy and watch a movie that itzel rented for me. he actually told me, last night, to meet him at blockbuster at noon. and he's going to rent a movie for me so, i go to blockbuster and he's there in his car with amaury. (and i always find it funny when i'm friends with the younger and older sibling. amaury's going to be a sophmore and itzel's going to be a freshmen in college). so, he hands me the movie and then we just stand in the parking lot and talk. and then my brother gets impatient and i think itzel realized that and he's, like, "hey, you want a ride home?" so he drove us home. and now i'm waiting for jess. i should be cleaning, but i started this last night and i wanted to finish it. ha.

paulinaparasite @ 2007-06-15T16:40:00

2007-06-15T21:46:44Z

i realize that i updated this not long ago, but.
i'm tired and sweaty and needed something to do.

my mom asked me to clean the bathroom after i cleanred and redecorated my room a little.
i said okay. so, i was scrubbing everything because her hairstylist is coming over and shit.
and now i want to take a shower, but i can't because the bathroom is amazingly clean.
and i could shower downstairs, but i hate my dad's bathroom.
so, i'm going to feel sweaty and disgusting in here for a while. sweet.

haha. okay, so. my mom has a display of a million different perfumes in the bathroom on a glass shelf.
and i was sitting on the closed lid of the toilet, windexing them so they'd look nice. with the bathroom door open.
and my brother's little asian friend, jethro, walks in and goes, "WHOA." and runs out because he wasn't expecting someone.
and i laugh at time and tell tomek to take him downstairs and as he's passing by the door he goes, "are you cleaning perfume?" and my brother's, like, "oh, she's weird". but all his little going into 8th grade friends think i'm hot. so.
ohh, how i lvoe middle school kids.

my mom's taking me shopping this weekend.
and then i'm going to ask my dad to help me move furniture and i could count those as:
"buy a new wardrobe"
and
"redecorate my room" on my myspace goals.

paulinaparasite @ 2007-06-15T13:58:00

2007-06-15T19:26:11Z

i haven't done anything on livejournal in too many days.
i don't even remember what's been going on.

um.

friday/saturday? -- i think it was saturday or friday, i don't know. the day after my mom tried to establish the 9:00 curfew, i went to stretch my ears to 4's. and my gauges were nowhere to be found. i knew i didn't misplace them, so i called my mom to bitch. and she goes, "yeah, i took them. and you're not getting them back." so, we didn't talk at all. i was pissed as fuck. because she didn't only take the 4's. she took 14's-4's and that was well over $50 of my own money. then my dad and adam were drunk that night. i talked to adam and my dad bitched because i wasn't lookin into his eyes when i was talking to him and he said how rude it was and blahblah. i don't give a fuck. was this the day jess came over? maybe. i don't know. she walked all the way here just to sit around and talk to me for an hour because i was crying and felt like shit.

sunday -- mom gave back my gauges because i called her a thief and asked her if she's trying to teach me that stealing from your blood (because she always yells at me for not thinking of family as my number one priority) was okay and encouraged. so, i got it back but my mom told me not to stretch my ears anymore. i did anyway. she saw that night and got disapointed. i didn't care. she apologized and shit. but then we talked about how i have to tell her if i plan on going anywhere and how she'd be more comfortable if i called as i was leaving. because the last couple of weeks, i was just leaving the house without telling her and she'd come home and i'd be gone. and sometimes my battery would die, so i wouldn't contact her until, like, 10 when i wanted her to pick me up. so. we're on better terms,

monday -- jess and i went to the beach. she picked me up at, ike, 7:40. and we got on the train. but everyone works in the city, so there were no chairs and we had to stand. until this old woman got up to leave and we grabbed her seat. then we sat and waited for brian because he was on the train right after ours. but he didn't see us so he left. and he ended up walking in the wrong direction. so he had to turn around and walk back in our direction. and i made an obnoxious, "LOOK. THERE HE IS." so he couldn't walk past us. and we got a group hug? haha. weird. then we got jamba juice. and got a taxi to go to the beach. and it was nice. the water was cold so we just sat in the sand. and we started off drawing a dick in the sand, and then the tide was coming. so we made a wall. and then we made a mote before that wall. and somehow that mote became a lake and we build walls around it. and we were so serious it was kinda insane. like, we would stop talking for long periods of time because we were making the walls stronger. and the tide would be coming and i'd be, like, "jessica! the southeast wall!" and she'd panic. the waves got really huge at one point, and jess spread her body so that the waves couldn't hit our weakended wall. it was hilarious, ohmygod. after taking multiple pictures, we decided to get food and then swim. the guy taking our order was cute. then we went int the water. and we always had some sort of method of getting in the water; standing in one spot until we got used to it and then went deeper, sitting in the shallow end and lowering ourselves every ten waves, walking back and forth and going a little deeper everytime. we decided to play in the waves and let them push us to shore. and then we lifted each other and did "if you're a bird, i'm a bird" notebook lines. and jess was telling me about how waves come in three and we were trying to figure out which one was a 3 because they're supposed to be the biggest. but we ended up calling them george, harold, and henry. and then this huge one came and knocked us off our asses and splashed us all over. and as it was coming jess screamed out, "JUSTIN!" because justin is ahem "blessed". and i found it hilarious. we ended up telling him later and he felt honored. we were waiting for lauren and rachel, but they ended up at another beach so we left. we saw brian again at union station. he ended up giving us a ride back to my hosue from the station. then we sat around in pain for hours. we talked about boys, and watched a walk to remember, and ate deluxe. and we fell asleep hoping the sunburn would be somewhat gone by tuesday.

tuesday -- sunburn's still hurting. we were all red. it's kinda funny looking back on it. we painfully hung out for a little while and then she went home at about noon or one. i sat around all day naked and in pain. justin and i spent the night on the phone, laughing way too much. because i resemble a polish flag.

wednesday -- i had to put on clothes so i could go to the orthodontist. that was my last real appointment. i got rubberbands and i'm getting my braces off on august 15th, i believe. i wanted july, but he's off on vacation for that monthe. then i got naked and sat around in my room all day.

thursday -- another naked day. i was putting too much lotion on myself to heal and sooth my dry, burning skin. jess' still hurts, too. i wasted two days. i could have been out, but it hurts too much to even wear a shirt. justin and i spent the night on the phone again. he made me put up new summer goals and made fun of me because i kissed chitto when i was dating him. and i messed around with david. and both of them have had sex with jackie. so apparently her sex germs were transmitted through mouths. so justin made fun of me and told me i'd have four different hair colos, really bad obnoxious eye makeup, and shitty grindcore shirts. oh, how we laughed.

friday -- clothes hurt less! i'm actually wearing clothing and have been out of my room for things other than pissing. haha. i cleaned my cave of a room. and chilled with snickers. and i feel better, but it still kinda hurts and i don't want to do much. apparently, julian is coming over later. he's very jumpy and i'll kick him out if he harms me. i don't care if it's mean, i told him not to touch me, so we'll see. :D

paulinaparasite @ 2007-06-09T11:17:00

2007-06-09T16:28:30Z

jess and i had a good time yesterday. we started walking down grand until we met up and then we went to denny's. had our usual pancakes and orange juice, but the pancakes lost their magic. so, we didn't eat all of them and instead she had cake and i had an oreo blender blaster. (i love saying that). then we went to ful-roy park and played in the fountain. and then in the sand. and took a walk around the fake "lake-front". then we layed on the grass and talked and texted. and recorded creepy things. like, i set an 11:11 alarm on my phone. and we said, "it's 11:11!" and then in creepy grandma voices, "MAKE A WISH!" and I set it as my alarm tone. then we sang our theme song and that's my default ring tone. (: then we went back to her house and played a blanket down on the grass and just layed there and took cute pictures. then it got cold so we got out her electric blanket and layed under it. then called her mom and had her make us deluxe mac and cheese. and we got really squirmy waiting for it, because it's amazing. then we went to meet up with dj at grant park, turned out lauren and rachel were there, too. which was kind of awkward. rachel knew my name, i don't know why. and lauren said hey to me. first words she's ever said to me. ever. we hung around the skatepark. the bitch that let the butterfly go in my spanish class was there! i pointed her out to jess. haha. then we were going to go to cochiarro's and i was opening the door to get into dj's car. and lauren and rachel just got into the car as soon as i opened the door for myself. and i gave jess a look and we just got into eric's van. he drives like a maniac. we got to cochiarro's and rachel apologized, too sweet, for just getting in the car like that. so i said, "oh, no. it's okay, really :D" in my sweetest voice. and we sat in there. dj apparently hates lauren and rachel. rachel likes him. ha. dj owes me a cigarette. and i got home at 10:30, only to be bitched at. my mom's trying to establish a 9:00 curfew, definately not going to work and i told her that. she realizes it's not happening.

i feel like rotting in my bed all day and watching disney movies, and texting. i've been going out a lot recently.

paulinaparasite @ 2007-06-07T22:27:00

2007-06-08T03:40:04Z

i had another dream about david. he worked at jewel for some reason. and i was wandering in jewel, but it wasn't the one by my house. and thomas ahrens says, "are you looking for david?" and i'm, like, "yeah." so, he points me to the vegetables and david's right there in the cart-pusher's outfit things. except he's not really david. well, he is i knew it was david and i guess his face kind of looked like him. but he was about 6'5'' and really fat with a lumberjack beard and his hair was shorter than usual. and he looked like he was in his forties, but not graying or balding. and he kept on bending down and giving me kisses on the top of the head and on the forehead. and it was okay because i still like him. i don't know. sometimes i try to interpret my dreams. and i'm going to assume that this one means that it doesn't matter what he looks like because maybe i like something else about him. there's something else that draws me to him. i.don't.know.

i hung out with christopher vincent today. it was pretty sweet. we went downtown. except i took the metra and he took the blue line. and his got off on washington and state. and i didn't know if he knew his way around or not, so i just walked my ass all the way to washington and state from adams and canal. which is a distance. haha. and we just wandered for hours. downtown chicago, there are a lot of homeless people just chilling on the sidewalk. and some of them are really nice and fun to talk to. and this one guy goes, "damn, boy. let me look at them gauges." so christopher moves his hair (he has 5/8'') and the guy's so impressed that this white boy has ear stretched to more than half an inch. and here i am feeling inferior with 6's. haha. chris is a sweetie, though. we told stories and shit. and he kept on using cute little lines on me which made me call him cheesy and laugh. and then we were at millenium park and we just sat around by the bean. and then moved over to those face statue fountain things and we talked. it was pretty great. then i laughed because he walks like a ghetto boy. i ended up coming home, like, twenty minutes ago. i was supposed to be home at 7 or 8, oops. jess and i are going to denny's tomorrow to see lamonte. pretty sweet. (:

it's been a couple of days.

2007-06-06T22:12:56Z

friday -- prom night! joe and melissa ended up picking us up in joe's durango. and then we went to pick up ryan. then we went to mall and we all looked great. and we mingled, i met some people. i kind of hit it off with this gay/bi boy. he's melissa's best friend's boyfriend and we shook hands, and then had this conversation while still shaking hands. he's cute, but i like david. after mingling, we ate. ryan ate all my food because all they served was nasty soup, steak, and chicken. melissa and i ate bread. then we kissed and took a picture. it was pretty sweet. i didn't want to dance, but melissa pulled me up later on. and we just started grinding and shit. and then i was in a dancing mood. and then i got to slowdance with melissa. i have never touched so many tits in one night, i felt like a lesbian. a lesbian that was having a good time while her date was being lame and couldn't dance until it was a slow song and he felt like he should date. ohwell, whatever. then after prom, we got back into joe's car and went to the gas station. he bought me cigarettes. i should stop smoking. then we went downtown and we found a parking spot and walked along the beach, heading for what we thought was navy pier. turned out it wasn't, at all. haha. so, we turned around and walked back to the car to look for a place to eat. he accidently got back on the highway about 20 minutes later and we all fell asleep in the car as he was driving. we ended up at denny's, for 3 am pancakes. we ate, looking like shit because we just danced our asses off and then slept. and then joe took us all home.

saturday -- i went over to jess' for a sleepover. since denny's is my new favorite place to eat, we went to denny's. where we pretended to be lesbians and we got hit on by two black guys. it was pretty sweet. the first one was all nerdy and cute. his name was "rob" but we named him "jamal". and he greeted us with, "how are you fine ladies doing?" and then he walked by us again later, and we were holding hands across the table. and then we ordered two orders of pancakes, on one plate, and one glass of orange juice with two straws. we tried eating with the forks, and then the spoons, and then the knives. while laughing maniacally, which led the employees to believe that we were drunk. so, they'd continuously come over by us and ask if we were okay and shit. then we told rob/jamal, "if there's anything you want to ask us, you can. we won't get offended." and he asks me, "is that cho girlfriend?" and i said, "yes." and then jess and i decided that our names are kelly and emily. i'm a 17yearold junior and she's a 16yearold sophmore, we go to west leyden. then the other adorable black guy came by and asked if we were all right and we told him that he can ask us any questions he'd like to. so, he asked, "would it be inappropriate if i gave you my numbah?" so, we got his number on the back of a check. how classic. we ended up paying. and rob/jamal says, "are you going to come back and visit me?" and then lamonte cuts in and says, "nahh, they're going to come and visit me. and rob goes, "WHAAAT?" and then we walked away holding hands and laughing while the mexican boys that were staring earlier kept on staring. we went back to jess' and sat in her guest room talking and petting hairy son. and then we ended up in her living room watching how to deal. then we went into her guest room and layed on the bed, drank a little. she talked to me about brian, i told her about david. it was said. then we told stories and shit. and then we got really sleepy, so we said goodnight and jess' dad blew his nose right after "goodnight". and it sounded ridiculous, so we laughed and laughed. and were a little cautious to say goodnight again.

sunday -- we woke up around 10 or 11. and talked for a little while. then we peed, fixed our hair a little (because we looked ridiculous) and went downstairs to watch videos. and show each other cute pictures of boys. and then we wanted mac and cheese. so, we made some. but it was deluxe. as we waited, impatiently, for the mac and cheese. we ate the raw noodles and shit. it was pretty lame. haha. then we ate it. and i had to meet her brother, again. then we went upstairs and talked again. and before we knew it, it was 5 pm and my mom was on her way to pick me up. then david texted me and told me he was working today so i should have come by. i was pissed. ha.

monday night -- david texted me and told me i should come over after finals. my heart raced. i like him a lot. =/

tuesday -- after finals, i took a taxi to david's. i got there at around 1ish, maybe a little earlier. we had the house to ourselves. it was great. he looked so cute in his band shirt and his pajama bottoms. as soon as we got into his room, we started making out. honestly, none of you have any idea how bad i wanted him to make the first move. and he did. we had a nice few hours on his bed. and even though it's only been a day, i miss his chest on mine. and i miss his arms around me while we layed side by side. and i miss cute little pecks between sentences. we'd be cute together. and i decided that i love short hair on him. i realized that "better than me" reminded me of tuesday. "i told myself i won't miss you, but i remembered what it feels like beside you. i really miss your hair in my face and the way your innocence tastes." then we went to walk around. and we ended up going to subway. and he's cute when he orders food, "12 inch vegie delight on hearty italian with everything on it." and the way he makes fun of me because i don't like his cucumbers that taste like green peppers. i like this boy so much, but atleast now i know he wants me, too.

paulinaparasite @ 2007-06-01T17:55:00

2007-06-01T22:57:28Z

prom tonight.
melissa and i left early today.
i did her extensions because she cut her hair chin length a couple of weeks ago and thought short and straight would be boring. then she shaved her legs while i was petting her cat, bubbles. then we drove to jewel to get the boutteniers where we met up with joe and ryan. then she dropped me off t home and we got ready seperately. now i'm waiting for them to pick me up. be prepared for cheesy pictures. haha.

paulinaparasite @ 2007-05-31T18:16:00

2007-05-31T23:29:24Z

prom is one day away. melissa and i are leaving school after fifth period tomorrow (because we have fourth and fifth periods together) and then we're going to her house, where i will glue her hair in. and then she's dropping me off and but we have a little trouble with our man-corsages. because we can't pick them up at 1:00, that's a little too confusing, but we'll get them somehow. i don't know. prom is going to be so much fun, though.

today was my last real full day of freshmen year. since tomorrow is my half day and monday is finals. it wasn't as depressing as i thought it would be. mostly because melissa and i realized we picked the same elective, so we might have a class together next year. we actually held hands and jumped around, like in the movies. we were too happy about it. haha.

adam likes me apparently. what's with seniors liking me? i wouldn't give him a hug and i walked away because i didn't want to lose gabby. so he followed me and ran up to me and picked me up in a hug. it was cute. but i couldn't get david out of my head. i told adrian (lip rapist) that i have a thing with a boy. if he asks who, i'm saying omar. his feelings are hurt, but i don't want him to keep thinking i'm into him.

yesterday, david was replying to my texts being his old self. and it was nice talking to him as if it was february. it was one am though and i didn't feel like staying up so i said goodnight. and it was cute. i don't know. i think about him more than i should.

i just redyed all my hair black, even my blonde underlayer. tomorrow, i'm putting my extensions in, but cutting them. then i'm going to shave my arms tomorrow since i shaved my legs today. i should probably paint my nails soon. ohman. i'm getting all sdjkfhds for a prom that isn't even mine. and apparently, i'm one of four freshmen going to prom. sweet.

paulinaparasite @ 2007-05-30T19:21:00

2007-05-31T01:05:36Z

last night, i had two dreams about david last night. in the first one, we were in the backseat of a car. and we weren't having sex, but we were fooling around. except i was doing all the work. and i was enjoying it because he was smiling and having a good time. but then my mom called and woke me up. after i went back to sleep, i had another dream. we were in my basement and he was lying on my couch and he had some sort of candy or chips. and he was eating it and then i layed down next to him on the couch and we ate together. and then we were just chilling. the middle of my dream is a blur. i don't remember, blah. but then we ended up in my backyard and my family was packing shit in the car for our little trip to wisconsin over the summer (for a week). and my mom let david come with us, so i packed him some extra clothes (like shorts because that's all we ever wear) and i packed sheets and a couple of pillows because my mom said we'd have to share the top bunk thing because the cabin had bunk beds. and then i woke up, sad. because i wanted to atleast spend my dream week in his arms.

i'm trying to interpret my dreams.

school was so hot and sweaty. omar's dog ran away so he left before first period. julian wasn't here either. so, except for a few random people walking me to class, i was kinda lonely. because omar and i spend every passing period together. i wore my glasses today because my eyes hurt from keeping contacts in for a month at a time. oops. i have an essay to finish for tomorrow. i should get started on that. i don't have to do it, it counts as a "small assessment" and grades are basically locked in. i like how every teacher is giving us review packets or just letting us talk in class, and mrs. macumber is still giving us an essay and we have to write a long letter to ourselves that we'll get back senior year. i really like this assignment, though. i don't know. i've already written a page and a half and i'm not done. she said a page would be just fine, oops.

paulinaparasite @ 2007-05-29T20:16:00

2007-05-30T01:29:03Z

i didn't post an entry for yesterday so:
i was hanging out with this kid, adrian. and i only knew him through myspace, but justin likes him. so, i thought, "hey, if he wants to hang out so bad. why not? justin says he's a nice kid". so, we hung out. i didn't realize how, uh, unattractive he is until we got back to my house because some kids always have hair in their face and it slightly bothers me. anyway, we were chilling. and while adrian was moving too close to me, i pulled out my phone and texted david something, like, "i want your hard dick". because david wouldn't mind if i randomly sent that at 3 pm. and adrian read that text i was sending. but he still moves in for the kill and he kisses me. i did not fucking want that. i feel violated and disgusting. and keep your fucking face away from mine if we aren't that close. and keep your fucking lips off of mine unless you're david or omar or jessica's cheek. fucking shit. we saw his friend in school today, and his friend saw me and omar holding hands. and chances are, he saw us peck later on. (because omar and i are pretend dating basically and we were in the courtyard. and the school is a circle so). i hope his friend tells him, "look. she's omar's lady, later on".

today was so hot and humid. it smelled weird outside. and justin came up to me in the hallway in the morning and he's, like, "it smells like a wet vagina". and some kid behind him later on said, "ew, it smells in here". and justin turned around and then looked back at me and he's, like, "SEE. IT FUCKING SMELLS." then i carried on with my classes as usual. nothing interesting happened. it was humid everywhere. then during some passing period, chanel goes up to me and she's, like, "i really need to talk to you in access". so, periods later, when i saw her in access, i was kind of panicking for her and i looked sad because i thought maybe zach broke up with her. and then she's, like, "you already know?" and i'm, like, "no. what happened?" and she tells me that she thinks she might be pregnant and she told me this whole funny story and i assured her that she isn't pregnant. and she was so happy. she just hugged me so tightly. i felt good making her happy. (: then when i got home, john called me. and he called to tell me about his bad day and what happened. it's nice to know he still calls to have me cheer him up.

i need a shower and to take my extensions out as soon as i'm done talking to jess.

paulinaparasite @ 2007-05-27T23:10:00

2007-05-28T04:50:32Z

today was a pretty good day. (: i lied, it was an amazing day. jess picked me up at about 12:30 or 12:45. and we went to the hip. we just wandered a little and when we passed by hot topic, i glanced in to see if david was working but i didn't see his ass, so we went and wandered a little more. finally, i'm like, "let's just go buy my gauges and then we can wander again". so, we're looking at the display case and i feel something kick my ass and when i turn around, it's not there. but i see david's sneaky white, hat-wearing ass hiding because one of the clothing racks. after about three minutes of sneaking through clothing racks, he comes out and gives me a hug. and then he opens the display case and gives me all of this shit. and then i pay. and i'm, like, "i'll come visit you later". and then we see eric so he's, like, "hey!" and we're, like, "hi! talktalktalk. we'll see you around later". so, jess and i go and wander. and we look at cute underwear. and as we walk out of that store, i guess eric's cousins said we were attractive or whatever and he's, like, "those are my friends". and they didn't believe him so we gave him hugs and shit and made conversation. and then i got a text message, "i'm on my break. where are you?" so, we meet up again and we hang out with him for his 15 minutes. and then i wanted to give him a goodbye kiss afterwards, but i stopped myself. so, then jess and i went wandering and shopping and we found single! we haven't seen him together for about a year now. we sat next to him in the food court and drank our smoothies and she took sneaky pictures of him. and then after he left, we basically went to sit on top of the escalators, like we used to. and we just sat there and talked. and gauged our ears. and people were coming up the escalators just to go down, like they always used to do when jessica and i sat up there. and there were greasy-looking mexicans staring at us like old times. and jess got a text message that said, "can i crap in your mouth?" and after many vulgar texts, it turned out it was eric's cousin. oh, how we laughed. then i texted david and said, "i really wish i had kissed you before you had to go". and he's, like, "you should have. i'd go along with it. i'd enjoy it" and then i regretted it more. haha. stupid david and i are both kinda shy and don't like to make the first move. and then jessica and brian were texting. and paulina and david were texting. and we'd just be, like, "ahh! guess what he said!" we were pretty adorable and giddy about it. and then jess and i started texting each other, next to each other. very sexual things. haha. oh, the joys of unlimited texting. and then we sat around outside of the coffee place when the mall closed until my parents picked me up and we took jess home at, like, 7:30.

then justin called me and wanted me to finally pierce his ear. so, i picked him up at burger king because even though he's been over plenty of times, he still doesn't know how to get here. haha. so, as we walked back to my house, we met up with eric. and we just wandered around town. and then we finally came back to my hosue maybe 8:30. and after he grew some balls, i pierced justin's ear. and then we gauged it to a 14 right away. i felt so bad, though. like, i care about him. he's my big brother. and seeing him in pain and panicking kills me a little. but he wanted it, so i pierced it. and then he helped me shove an 8 through my ear. so, i went from 14 to 8 in one day. closer to 0/2. and jess has my 10's because we're strecthing together. then i pierced eric's ears. and then justin tried making me twostep. but i feel awkward when eric's there. eric and i used to be really lose, but now we're really not. and i love justin, i trust him, i could do the stupidest things in front of him and he'd be okay with it. like, i tell him absolutely everything. so, dancing in front of him would be no big deal. in front of eric: big deal. don't want to embarrass myself. after we hung out for a while, they left and here i am.

i can't move on.
i can't move on.
i can't move on.
i can't move on.
i can't move on.
i can't move on.
11:11, i wished for him again.
11:11, i wished for him again.
11:11, i wished for him again.
11:11, i wished for him again.
11:11, i wished for him again.
11:11, i wished for him again.

may 26th

2007-05-26T20:05:08Z

today feels like a boring day, maybe because the sky is all gray and everyone's online rather than out in the world doing something. no one really wants to, i guess. this is depressing weather.

michael called me last night at, like, 2 am. he asked if i still liked him and i was, like, "well, i miss you". and then he's, like, "oh. okay. well, i'm going to call some other people. i don't have a place to stay the night." and then i hear some girl in the background yell, "bye!" and giggle. so, i'm kind of confused. i don't know. haha. it was kinda funny, though. today's david's birthday. happy birthday, sweetheart.

today is my kinda polish holiday thing, kinda like a birthday, but not as special. i walked into the kitchen about an hour ago and i'm, like, "do you even realize what today is?" to my mom. and she just started at me for a while and was, like, "the 26th?" "yes, mom. of may." and she was, like, "....ohh! paulina! i'm sorry! wszystkiego najlepszego!" and a little while ago my dad hugged me and shook my hand, which i thought was weird until i realized he subtly handed me $40. he's my dad, not my uncle trying to hide the fact that he's giving me money from my parents. if he's going to give me anything (i wasn't expecting him to) he could have just handed it to me. ha.

julian's coming over at, like, 7. we're going to bake cupcakes and then watch anchorman and the land before time. and then i don't know. we'll see what happens later. i'll probably end up stealing his pants again to see if he's smart enough to realize that there are multiple pairs of pants and shorts and blankets and pillows all around him. and then tomorrow jess and i might just go to the hip, exciting. (:

i'm trying to move on.
i'm trying to move on.
i'm trying to move on.
i'm trying to move on.
i'm trying to move on.
i'm trying to move on.
i'm trying to move on.
i'm trying to move on.
i'm trying to move on.
i'm trying to move on.
i'm trying to move on.
i'm trying to move on.
i'm trying to move on.
i'm trying to move on.
i'm trying to move on.

asdfjkl;.

2007-05-24T23:59:37Z

i got my yearbook today.
omar and i sat around in the courtyard and signed yearbooks.
he wrote me this long ass note in it. and it was so sweet.
i just hugged him real tight and then he looked up at me (he was sitting) and puckered his lips like he wanted a kiss. so we had a little casual peck on the lips, which isn't too weird for us, as weird as that sounds. and we wonder why people think we're dating. haha. thinking about it now, i've realized that i basically just kissed all the people he's kissed and vice versa. which is okay because his girlfriends have been cute. then this kid that tries so hard and admires omar and i was standing right there when we pecked. and he was staring at and it was kinda creepy. ahaha.

melissa, joe, ryan, and i went to get the titty tassels and wrist shits for prom today. we had to order them and blahblahblah. so, everything for prom is basically done. and we decided that afterwards, we're going out to eat and then we're going to go downtown to the beach/navy pier area and just have an evening there. secretly, i hope ryan doesn't try to kiss me. =/ i'd feel bad pushing him away on his senior prom night, but i don't like him like that. he wanted a date to senior prom, and here i am.

which leads me to my david situation. i want him so bad. gah. you have no idea. i look forward to talking to him 11-2 am everynight. sometimes 10-2 am. and he's so adorable. and blah. i don't know. i know he likes me, too, but he's not sure if he really wants a girlfriend right now. but he flirts with me so much, but at the same time, he plays hard to get. which is nice, but frustrating sometimes because i want him to be mine. ha. i don't know. i was making myself feel bad today. haha. sad songs and shit. because he's not really in a chatty mood today and i guess he's being a dick today. i don't know. i hope we still talk tonight. i feel like this is karma. like, "hey, paulina! this is how the boys that wanted but couldn't have you felt. sucks, doesn't it?" yes, it does, karma. and i feel like these song lyrics fit:

and once again we're further away from what we never had.

update.

2007-05-24T01:50:37Z

-school is almost over.
-prom is coming up.
-i don't think i'll be at clearwater on the 25th.
-i have unlimited texting.
-which leads to david and i talking again, until 2 am every night.
-i nap a lot now.
-i'm really sick. i sniffle constantly, my throat hurts, and i cough a lot.
-i somehow wound up with $80. $33 is going to my dad for last month's text overages.
-i've got some friendships back together and i'm real happy about that.
-i get perverted text messages that say "Trust me, it'd be even more met because of how good a job I'd do thrusting inside you. I'm pretty sure you'd orgasm all over my face, finger, and hard cock". ahaha. and i show these messages to random friends in school.

i'm happy.

melissa at woodfield.

2007-05-21T02:00:24Z

melissa and i went prom dress shopping today and it was too fucking. we got to woodfield and only had to stop for directions once. haha. we asked a foreign man, of course. then when we finally got there, we went straight for the dresses. after picking up about 73 dresses, we tried them all on. and i picked out a green one and melissa picked out a yellow one. we couldn't put them on hold, so we hid them in the ugly dresses we knew no one would look at. then we went for accessories and purses and shit. melissa ended up leaving claire's with the baskets they give us so we had to go back to the store, laughing. then we went to another store to look at more dresses just incase we found something cuter. and melissa tried one dress on and while we were talking and the dressing room door was open, she just unzipped her dress and took her top off. and then she realized what she was doing and we just laughed and laughed. and then we went back for the dresses, they were still there. we bought them, but they couldn't get the sensor off melissa's, so she has to go back to woodfield tomorrow to pick it up. we went to get food and she was telling me how she saw anthony's penis the night before because he was sitting around in boxers while a bunch of them were hanging out. and she told me it was small and we kind of laughed at that because he's been bullshitting people about me, but i have people to back me up when i say something. ha after going into urban outfitters to see the cute boy (who still works there) we went to zumiez. and some guy that works there started getting real friendly with me so melissa thought i knew him. he was messing around with me and then he's, like, "is that prom dress in there?" and i said, "yeah" and then he demonstrated how he wanted cheesy pictures and how we should pick him up after prom and get cheesy prom pictures with him. eventually, we went home. kinda. we spent about two hours, lost somewhere in illinois. and melissa was about to cry and i was chewing my nails so bad. and then we finally got home. and i went and bought more hair and exchanged my change into cash so i could pay my dad back for my text overages. i'm getting unlimited tomorrow. :D real excited about that. anyway, i went into jewel to exchange it. and i saw ryan and tickled him a little. and then i turned to go to the coinstar and i see anthony giving me the dirtiest look ever, so i gave him a sweet smile. i never wanted drama, but i guess he does? then i talked to melissa because she was working at a register. and luckily she got to work on time.

just an amazing weekend.

my reunion with jessica.

2007-05-20T15:08:56Z

jessica and i went to railroad daze together yesterday. i haven't hung out with her in such a long time. 2005? probably not. maybe early 2006. i always thought it'd be so awkward if we hung out again, but it wasn't. we walked to railroad daze from my house. and then we just wandered, looked around. we finally sat down at some table and talked and caught up while some old man kept on throwing water not far from us. and ohh, when he switched up his routine, it was amazing. haha. then we went to pick up dj and josh at the train station, but they got off the train and left us before we even saw them. aha. then we ended up seeing them when they tried to go to northlake through rivergrove. then we went and walked around a little. we sat down behind the little face thing. and then we talked more. i had to pee. haha. so, we went all the way back to my house, and then back to railroad daze. then we finally went on the ferris wheel where we just talked and laughed because "i got laid 12 years ago". and we hugged when little girls looked at us. then we sat down by our rock again and laughed and talked about creepy people. and then we decided to aimlessly walk towards the sunset. but as soon as we started walking towards it, it hid behind the clouds and only the pink-orange sky was still visible. we ended up by this little kinda truck bed. where we just sat down and talked. we wanted to carve our names into it, but the only thing jess doesn't have in her bag is a knife. then we wandered further and found 17 random gloves scattered on the ground and a hook. then we found ourselves near north park so we went there. and then we had to go to the train station soon, to say byebye to dj and josh. but before they got there, there were juggalos/ettes with painted faces. and curtis (we overheard their names) was asking kristie what was wrong and, "what the fuck, babe?" and he was down on one knee, apologizing with flowers. and she was sobbing. and we couldn't figure how the hell you can take someone serioously when they have a smile painted on their face. as far as jess and i were concerned, she's happy until she washes her face. and then we had to walk to belmont and ruby to find my mom. but i was lost so we ended up on minneapolis and 25th. haha. i don't know. we finally found her and she drove jess home. and then yeah. i had a good day/night with her.

i need to get dressed. melissa is picking me up in 40 minutes to go prom dress shopping. (:

railroad daze.

2007-05-19T11:40:03Z

i went to railroad daze yesterday. i had a lot of fun.
omar and i were wandering around. and then we went on "The Predator".
Where he tried to open the bar while it was spinning. haha.
he scared my ass so bad i was going to cry.
and then we went on the zipper, which is my favorite ride incase you didn't know.
and we were laughing and screaming and at one point, he goes, "i just orgasmed".
because i guess all that tossing around feels good? haha. i don' have a dick. i missed out.
then after we went on the children's obstacle course amd this large slide.
we went on the teacup ride. and omar was spinning the teacup so fast we both got neausous.
and i almost fell out of the teacup. because it's a children's ride and we're a little too tall.

as soon as we got off of the teacup, i realize erick and jesus are coming in my direction. and then we have this whole hug thing going on. and jesus and i hugged such a long time. i didn't want to let go. =/ and then erick opened up his locket that had my name in it because we put it in there mooonths ago. and it was so fucking cute. ): but then we wandered around and shit. and i forgot what we went on, but then we went on the bumper cars. where some douchebag kids cut us. so omar got pissed. ha. and then as we were all on the bumper cars, they were calling everyone bitches. ahaha. even though we were the only ones older than 8, basically. and as we got off the ride, the kids who cut us before came up to erick and omar. and they're, like, "atleast we don't wear girl stuff." so omar and erick fired back. and then they ended up following us and shit, so jesus and omar were yelling at them. where the kids kept on going, "homos! you're homos!" real mature. and then something pinches my ass and it's crystal. haha. and then we went on more rides and saw more people. and then we went on the zipper. and as we were in line, something hugs me from behind and it's melissa. and then we have a little reunion except that we saw each other just hours early, in fashion. and then i finally ended up takling to her boyfriend, joe, who is a nice boy. and then we finally saw ryan, my prom date. and melissa made us group hug even though i just hugged him. and then we finally got on the zipper. and i was with jesus. and he was panicking so bad, but once the ride started he had fun. and the change falling out of my pockets pelted him in the face. and then when the ride flipped, we hit our heads on the front of the cage. and he was laughing really hard, so i thought i was the only one to hit my head, but he did too. and then we wandered and were going to go on the fireball, but the line was too long. so we went towards the predator again, but we had a cigarette before that. and i was smoking really fast and that made me lightheaded, which is normal. but then jesus and i smoked down to the filter. so i got kinda sick feeling and realized i would have vomited if i went on the ride, so i sat on the curb with melissa and joe. and then jesus was feeling sick after the ride, so we sat down on the sidewalk. aaand then i realized i needed to start walking home, so they walked me. and my mom saw them walking me all the way home even if they are banned from my house, basically, and she didn't have a problem. so, i'm hoping that they lighten up at some point and let jesus and erick come to my house again, too. (:

basically, i had a good day even though i fell asleep feeling sick and woke up feeling sick when i stood up too fast. haha.

paulinaparasite @ 2007-05-15T20:32:00

2007-05-16T01:58:50Z

i'm cranky today, ew.

justin didn't show up at school today so that brought me down terribly. and now i'm worried about him because he doesn't sound like himself. and i go, "i'm really worried about you". and he told me, "maybe you should be". and then said he had to go and just incase anything at all happens, i told him that i love him, because i do. and he said, "i love you 2", which is a lot different than his usual "much love" or "love you secondly!" which makes me worry a lot. i know he's okay, though. or i believe he is..because i know that he's strong.

omar was saying how he misses 2006. and that 2007 won't/can't beat 2006. and i couldn't agree...at all. these last two months beat all of 2006. i remember being really sad in 2006 and hating everything and just being a bitter person (but trying so hard to cover up all the shit i hated about everyone ahaha) up until the very end of 2006. november/decemberish. and then i just looked on the brighter side. and even days when i'm staying home, not doing anything, i'm perfectly happy doing just that.

i don't know what's going on between jesus and me. i remember us being incredibly close and then kind of slipping as soon as he dropped out. i know i should have kept in touch, but that becomes so hard for me, i don't know why. i'm no good at keeping friendships when i can't see the people really often. blah. and then when we first started slipping, it hurt really bad. but i guess now, we both kind of got used to the idea of living without each other, i guess. i don't know. i guess i agree with how he put it "become numb to it". i miss him, though. i think both of us changed a great deal. though he may not realized how much he changed. and i probably don't realize just how much i've changed. and i think we're both too different to become "jesus and paulina" like we once were. i still love him, though. with all of my heart. i never stopped and i don't think i ever will.

i've had better days.

plans for the near future.

2007-05-15T01:26:11Z

i just realized how busy i'll be in the near future.
and that makes me way too happy. haha.
i like plans and having things to do:

May 15th - Making up tests/applying for jobs with Omar.
May 18th - Railroad Daze/sleepover with Omar, hopefully.
May 19th - Maybe more Railroad Daze.
May 20th - Prom dress shopping with Melissa.
May 25th - STYG/Suicide Silence Show.
May 31st - Showing some girl how to do her hair for prom, getting payed.
June 1st -Prom @ 630-12, then out to Navy Pier. liiiimo.(:
June 4/7 - Final exams.
June - Starting Drivers' Ed.
Summer - Working/beach/shows/staying out late/mall/train rides. sdkjfhds! (:

even if working and drivers' ed won't be really delightful, i like the feeling of having somewhere to be, even if it's only for a couple of hours. i'll feel useful and i don't know..like a better person if i'm out of the house. eeee. so excited.

paulinaparasite @ 2007-05-13T13:39:00

2007-05-13T18:42:00Z

oh, i love justin.
when i'm feeling down, he tells me things like this:
"your amazing and speacil but wanna know what your problem is? duh no guys out there are as speacil and amazing as you they dont deserve you and make you happy like you should be and treat you like you should but hes somewhere and u will find him i promise you i know i waited forever fuor ever to be happy and one day it just happned i met someone and the rests hisotry itl happne for you you deserve it karma is a strong force and your such a good person"

then i saw danielle's "XLEANING. oh, paulina" away message and my face went like "=/".
it's funny how inside jokes live forever.

paulinaparasite @ 2007-05-12T15:42:00

2007-05-12T20:48:11Z

i'm pissed as hell.
i hate my family, i really do.
i always get picked on when i go over to their houses.
i'm so thankful i don't live with any of my aunts/uncles/cousins.
i like how they're all pleasant when i'm over and as soon as i leave, i know they're saying shit.
they always say shit. they're polish.
my mom talks shit about her brothers, her mom.
my dad talks shit about his sister, his mom.

i like how my mom keeps coming in here and criticizing my hair and the dress i picked out.
even though five minutes ago, she said i look beautiful. and i did try.
she kept on touching my hair and criticizing it. i told her to stop touching it. she left.
she came back and touched it, i told her so stop.
she tried talking to me, but wanted to see my face as i was talking, so she touched it.
"i thought i fucking told you to stop touching my hair."
"jesus. paulina, why are you being a bitch?"
because i don't want to go over to someone's house until 3 am (because my dad is a stubborn drunk) and get talked about. i'm the only one my age there. fucking christ.

hopefully my uncle will let me go online on his computer so i can go on myspace and update this shit.
i don't want to go. i don't want to go. i don't want to go. i don't want to go.

i'm going to be calling people all night.
i wonder when david's coming home. haha.

paulinaparasite @ 2007-05-11T18:25:00

2007-05-11T23:42:50Z

last night, i thought i'd be all depressed because david wasn't going to call.
i watched the wonder years alone. and then i was going to lay in bed watching the king of queens.
and david calls. turns out he overslept and called me as soon as he woke up. that made me happy. (:
justin told me that david really does like me. so, i'm really happy. :D

in biology, we had to educate the group on the digestive system.
and i didn't panic, i just said everything without sounding technical.
i spoke to them like i speak to my friends, calmy and with my weird hand gestures.
and i think i'm getting less sdjkfhsdj about public speaking.

in global studies, ben was having a bad day.
i knew right away because he sat in the seat behind me instead of in the other row.
and i comforted him and gave him a little advice.
and then when class started, he just started playing with my hair. and i love that so i didn't stop him.
then we basically had a free period and castiglia isn't all dskjfhdsjkfh!! about us talking.
so, ben started off with a sex talk. and then josie joined in. and they both got along.
lately, they've been nice to each other and laughing at each other's jokes, so. :D
so, we talked for the last 25 minutes about that because, really, that's the only thing we have in common.
at one point, josie and i realized that this is probably going to be our last year together.
and next year we're going to walk by each other in the halls like we don't know each other.
and sometimes we'll make eye contact at each other in the halls and smile because we'll remember our freshmen year together.
the person i didn't think i'd ever be close to became someone so close to me. he became someone that i could tell so many things because he wouldn't tell anyone else. and he would tell me things he couldn't tell his own "gangster" friends. we have a bond that no one would expect.
the day of our global studies final, i'm going to hug him.

i got asked to senior prom.
and i think i'm going to take the boy up on his offer because it's his senior prom and he doesn't have a date.
his girlfriend broke up with him and melissa was, like, "hey, you know, paulina's cute". and he's, like, "yeah, she is. but she won't like me. and i don't want to be rejected." and melissa goes, "trust me, she'll go". and she's right. haha. i'm going to talk to my mom tonight and go to senior prom as a freshmen.

these are the days of our lives.

2007-05-10T23:00:09Z

today, julian and i realized that it's been a year or almost a year since we first started talking.
and i wanted to dedicate this livejournal entry to you, since it's the most important thing that's happened all day.

Dear Julian Rojas,

I could try and put every good memory we've had together in this box, but if I had the rest of my life to do this, I still wouldn't be able to finish. Every inside joke, every memory, every good time, every trip we took together, every stupid thing we did, every bad habit we picked up, even every tear, every argument, everyday you tried to stop talking to me (but failed miserably), everytime i insulted you, everytime you weren't there, and everytime you felt bad about it. there's no way i could type up everything, but i'm going to try to record our favorite moments.

Somehow, that weird brown kid with the binder and jingling keys became my best friend. I'm so glad that you gave me that invitation to your birthday/graduation party, or else this would have never happened. We would have never happened.

The summer nights we spent in tents.
The days we spent on trampolines.
Winning free burgers at BK, and eating them on my lawn.
Talking to you about boys.
Talking to me about girls.
Serenading me at my window.
Cracking backs.
Parks.
Cigarettes.
Cigars.
Drinking.
Baking.
"You have a nice ass".
Your shitty ass sewing skills.
Nights on the phone.
Crying to you, you crying to me.
Heartfelt hugs.
Passing out.
Pancakes.
Scary movies.
Dislocated feet.
Crying about butterflies.
Sleepovers.
Getting caught.
You trying to teach me to sing.
Alphabet battles.
Stealing your pants.
Mooning you out my front window, kinda.
Play fighting.
Tickle fights.
Wearing each other's pants to school.
Putting makeup on you.
Looking like a girl on Halloween.
Hitler mustaches.
Eating my food.
Taking pickles from my fridge.
Taking naps together.
Calling my parents "mom and dad".
Not being able to come over anymore.
But still being here every single day, anyway.
Staying home from school to play in the first snowfall of the year.
Snow KKK.
Slipping on ice.
Piggy back rides.
Choking.
"Vomit" on the table.
Kicking you in the balls.
You punching me in the tit.
trolls.
"i was born to love you".
Seals.
Going to Joliet by ourselves.
Would have never happened.

You may not be on my "top 4".
I may not tell you "I love you" everytime we get off the phone or off aim.
I don't hug you as much as I hug other friends.
But just know that I'll always love you.
You're my little brother, Julian. Thank you for this entire year; you were a big part of it.